, ,

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

A quote credited to Theodore Roosevelt, one that I’ve well integrated into my life. I know this, and yet…..

I keep being confronted with people who are living their lives doing entirely what they are passionate about. And I’m jealous. Which is crazy because I’ve knowingly and happily chosen the life I have. I truly am content.

So why these intense stirrings every so often? They make me feel discontent, as if I am missing something. A lot of somethings. There are things I am passionate about that I could add into my life, so why don’t I?

I really want to travel more. I have a part time job that includes working a midweek evening and one weekend day, so it’s difficult to plan around. But it could be done. There are also day trips to interesting little spots, if I research it. I long to take classes- art, music, dance. Mission trips. Community volunteering. I don’t want to overload myself- I don’t do well at all with overscheduling- but there are so many things out there I want to experience and give to.  It’s a priority for me to be sure my family has what they need from me as well. There’s a fine line- well, several of them.

My kids are getting older, grown and in their teens-they still need me, but less than they once did. My boss has asked me to take on more work, which would make more things possible financially, but give me less time. I’m unsure as to what ‘more’ I want to commit to, I suppose. I’ve spent the last couple of years decluttering my life, and now I want to add more back?? I’m a walking oxymoron. Is this what’s called a midlife crisis? It certainly doesn’t feel that dramatic….

There’s also this:

Philippians 4:11-13
New King James Version (NKJV)

11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-via Bible Gateway

So how much of this is worldly discontent, how much is Godly desire that He put within me to express who He made me to be? I guess, as in all things, I need to examine the motives of my heart. Is there an area that I am not allowing God to fulfill, therefore leading me to want to fill it with other things? Or is this simply God bringing before me areas to motivate me in which He wants to expand in and through me?

Time to journal, and ask Him.